Larry Cantu

Not yet.

Rachel & Rafael are just 9 years old. But there is evidence that both of them are slowly but surely losing their innocence. Recently, I heard them in the back seat snickering about a comment the details of which escaped me but that definitely had sexual undertones. I thought it might be a good time to start laying the groundwork for the proposition that Mommy and Daddy would be great people to talk to if they had any questions about sex.

Their skepticism for that idea was palpable.

Rachel was incredulous when I pointed out that Mommy and Daddy already knew a thing or two about sex. She couldn't comprehend how the two most righteous people on the planet could possibly know anything about a subject as twisted as sex.

I pressed on despite the headwinds.

I told them there was no point in trying to hide their growing interest in sex and that I would know when they were getting interested in sex even if they didn't tell me.

Rafael takes after his old man. He demands evidence for claims that strike him as suspect. He demanded to know how I could tell if he was interested in sex even if he hadn't said anything. I told him that I would easily be able to determine if he was becoming interested in sex just by looking at the hairs on his upper lip.

Rafael was absolutely gob-smacked by this. I have firmly established my reputation for ALWAYS telling the truth if I'm using a serious tone of voice.

He thought it was nothing short of magic that you could read people's minds by inspecting the hairs on their upper lips.

But so far so good. No grandchildren yet and I hope to have none until at least 2034.

What have I been up to since 1970?

For the most part, these matters are best kept strictly between my confessor and me, but apart from that ...

1970-1975: college and grad school (UT Austin)
1975-1977: employed at University of Texas, Austin
1977-1980: law school, UT Austin
1980-present: employed as an attorney for "Big Oil". About half of my career (nearly 38 years so far) was spent living outside the USA, mostly in Indonesia but including a few years in England, Singapore and Angola.

I've been married from time to time.

My wife, Rahmawati, gave birth to twins, Rachel and Rafael, in January 2009. Ever since then I have been thanking my lucky stars that life is so wonderfully unfair because, after the way I have misbehaved all my life, there is no way in the world I deserve the beautiful family I have now.

Other interests (that I will admit to) include photography and using Harley Davidson motorcycles to annoy sophisticated urbanites enjoying their morning coffee at peaceful, sidewalk cafes and to frighten cattle in their rural pastures.

In April 2013 we finally made it back to Montgomery County, Texas.

If you've ever been to the Houston area, you will understand when I say that "hills" are a very subtle concept around here. During the Hurricane Harvey floods we discovered that our neighborhood is on what passes for a hill around here.

Lucky us!

Did I ever go to school?

I do recall once saying to a classmate whose mammalian characteristics I found particularly intriguing that "my DNA would like to party with your DNA."

My left ear rang and my face smarted for about 3 hours after that.

I interpreted her response as "no, thank you."

I hid out in college until I got tired of being destitute all the time, then I graduated and went to work.